Caregiver stress

Since his father’s stroke last year, Rashed, an architect, has moved home to Dhanmondi. He manages the physiotherapist, the medicines, the night nurse who does not always come, and his own clients in the gaps. This Eid he cooked the shemai himself because his father likes it a certain way. He has not slept a full night in seven months. When people ask, he says he is fine.

An illustration drawn from common experience. The person is invented; the pattern is not.

Understanding caregiver stress

Caring for a family member with a long illness, disability, dementia or mental illness is demanding, often for years. Carers frequently put their own health last. A meta-analysis of 84 articles, including carers of frail older adults, found more depression and stress than in people who were not carers, and slightly poorer physical health. Many also describe exhaustion and poor sleep. Guilt makes it harder to ask for help: guilt about resentment, about wanting a break, about not doing enough. In many Bangladeshi families, care is given at home and goes unseen.

Signs worth noticing

• Constant exhaustion, and no time that is truly your own
• Irritability, tearfulness or numbness
• Neglecting your own health, friends or work
• Feeling trapped, guilty or resentful, and ashamed of feeling it

How care helps

A consultation looks after the carer as a patient in their own right: mood, sleep, health and the practical load. Therapy helps with guilt, limits and planning, and practical steps such as sharing the care, respite and support groups help. Treating depression or anxiety in the carer helps the whole household.

What getting better can look like

Rashed’s relief might be one night a week when his cousin stays over, and Rashed sleeps eight hours, and wakes up not dreading the day.

Common questions about caregiver stress

Is it normal to feel resentful while caring for a sick parent?

Many carers feel guilt, resentment or a longing for a break, and then feel ashamed of it. These feelings are common under long strain and do not mean you love the person less. Talking about them, with family or in therapy, often makes the load easier to carry.

Can looking after an ill family member cause depression?

Carers have more depression and stress than people who are not carers, a meta-analysis of 84 articles found, and they often feel exhausted, especially when the care goes on for years. A consultation looks after the carer as a patient in their own right. Treating a carer’s depression or anxiety can help the whole household.

When to see a psychiatrist

If caring for someone is wearing you down, asking for help is part of caring well.

Care here is personal: built around your history, your health and what you want to change, and reviewed with you as it goes.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department.

Sources

• Pinquart and Sörensen, Psychology and Aging, 2003 (PMID 12825775)