Family pressure to marry

Eid-ul-Fitr dawat at her Boro Khala’s flat in Elephant Road. Jannat, 32, a data scientist in Mohakhali, has eaten two plates of polao and is reaching for shemai when the question arrives, as it does every year, from three directions. “Ki re, biye kobe?” “A very good boy, engineer, Canada, family is very decent.” “At your age I had two children.”

Jannat has a system. She keeps a private spreadsheet of every proposal her mother forwards on WhatsApp, with columns for height, profession and red flags. Her younger cousin, who has seen it, calls it “Apu’s dashboard.” It is funny until it is not. Last month her mother cried on the phone and said people are talking, and that she cannot die in peace until Jannat is settled.

Jannat loves her mother. She wants to marry, someday, someone she chooses. But she has started to feel sick before every family event, she skips Friday lunches, and the night before Eid she lay awake rehearsing answers until dawn. At work, she can solve any problem. At home, she cannot find the words.

An illustration drawn from common experience. The person is invented; the pattern is not.

Understanding family pressure to marry

Pressure to marry is not a diagnosis. It sits where love, duty, culture and fear meet. In many Bangladeshi families, marriage is seen as a parent’s final responsibility, and an unmarried daughter in her thirties can become the subject of other people’s worry and gossip. For the person at the centre, the pressure can turn into anticipatory anxiety before gatherings, avoidance of family, guilt, low mood, poor sleep, or a rushed decision made to make the questions stop. When the anxiety is constant and spreads beyond family events, it may be an anxiety disorder, which is treatable.

Signs worth noticing

• Dread, nausea or a racing heart before family events
• Avoiding gatherings, calls or relatives you once enjoyed
• Lying awake rehearsing conversations
• Guilt or low mood after every exchange with parents
• Feeling pushed towards a decision you do not want

How care helps

A psychiatrist first listens to the whole picture and checks for anxiety, depression and sleep problems that need treatment. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help with anticipatory anxiety and with the guilt that follows family conversations. Therapy also helps with the practical side: finding words to tell parents what you want and when, setting limits without cutting off, and separating your own wishes about marriage from the fear of disappointing others. Sometimes a family session, with parents present, lets a mother say her fear out loud and a daughter say her plan, in a room where both are heard.

Many people in Bangladesh never ask for help with their mental health. An analysis of the 2019 national mental health survey found that about 90% of adults with a mental disorder had not sought care.

What getting better can look like

For Jannat, it might be one calm conversation with her mother, in the car and not at a dawat, a single sentence ready for Boro Khala, a Friday lunch she actually enjoys, and the spreadsheet deleted, because she no longer needs a dashboard to protect herself.

Common questions about family pressure to marry

How do I deal with family pressure to get married?

It helps to decide what you want first, then share it calmly with your parents in private rather than at family events. A short, polite answer for relatives can end the question without a fight. If the pressure leaves you anxious or low most of the time, talking to a professional can help.

Can pressure to marry cause anxiety?

Ongoing pressure from family can contribute to anxiety, sleep problems and low mood, especially before gatherings. If the worry is constant, affects work or sleep, or spreads to other parts of life, an anxiety disorder may be present, and it can be treated.

When to see a psychiatrist

If family pressure has left you anxious most days, unable to sleep, or feeling trapped, a consultation can help you find your footing. If you are being forced into a marriage or are in danger at home, seek help immediately: call 999 in an emergency, or the national helpline 109 for violence against women and children.

Care here is personal: built around your history, your health and what you want to change, and reviewed with you as it goes.

Sources

• Huque et al., BMC Psychiatry, 2025 (PMID 40781659)