Breakups and heartbreak

Five years: first year at university, the rickshaw rides with the hood up in the monsoon, fuchka at Dhanmondi lake every Friday, her parents finally agreeing. In January her boyfriend ended it by message. On Valentine’s Day, Rubaiyat, a brand manager who launches products for a living, sat alone in a café in Banani watching couples, and could not stop checking her ex’s new photos. She has not eaten properly in three weeks.

An illustration drawn from common experience. The person is invented; the pattern is not.

Understanding breakups and heartbreak

The end of a relationship is a real loss, and grief is the normal response: sadness, longing, anger, disbelief and sleeplessness, in waves. Most people heal over weeks and months, especially with friends and family close. Sometimes heartbreak opens into depression, or into obsessive checking, intense anger, self-blame, or thoughts of self-harm. Social media makes it harder: the other person’s life stays one tap away.

Signs worth noticing

• Low mood, poor sleep and loss of appetite lasting more than a few weeks
• Being unable to stop checking the other person’s accounts
• Feeling worthless or entirely to blame
• Drinking, or acting impulsively, to numb the pain
• Thoughts of self-harm

How care helps

Therapy gives heartbreak somewhere to go: understanding what happened, what the relationship meant, and what you want next. A doctor checks for depression, which needs its own treatment. Practical steps, such as muting accounts and protecting sleep, help more than willpower.

What getting better can look like

Rubaiyat might one day have a Friday at the lake with her own friends, fuchka with extra tamarind, and a laugh that surprises her.

Common questions about breakups and heartbreak

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

There is no set time. Most people heal over weeks and months, especially with friends and family close. If low mood, poor sleep and loss of appetite last more than a few weeks, or thoughts of self-harm appear, it is time to talk to someone.

Why can’t I stop checking my ex’s social media?

Checking brings a moment of relief, but it keeps the loss open, because the other person’s life stays one tap away. When it becomes impossible to stop, it can be a sign that grief has turned obsessive or into depression. Practical steps such as muting accounts help more than willpower, and therapy can help with the rest.

When to see a psychiatrist

If heartbreak has turned into weeks of low mood, or you are thinking of harming yourself, please talk to someone. A broken heart deserves care as well as time.

Care here is personal: built around your history, your health and what you want to change, and reviewed with you as it goes.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department.