Divorce and separation

It is the night of her cousin Tonima’s holud, on a Dhanmondi rooftop strung with marigolds, and the DJ knows exactly three songs. Kakoli, 36, an HR manager who spends her days listening to other people’s grievances, is putting turmeric on the bride’s cheek when Mejo Khala leans in. “Shunlam you and Tanim are living apart? Ki hoyeche, ma? Every marriage needs a little adjustment.”

Kakoli smiles the smile she uses in disciplinary meetings. The divorce was final in August. She has told her parents, two friends and her lawyer. She has not told the family WhatsApp group, where news goes to be turned into a serial. Her cousin Rumpa rescues her with a plate of jilapi and a whisper: “Khala asks me why I’m still single at every holud. You’re just new on her list.”

At home she does not sleep. Some nights it is relief. Some nights it is grief she did not expect, for a marriage she chose to leave. Under both runs a hum of shame she knows is not hers to carry. She has started to dread Fridays, when there is no office to hide in.

An illustration drawn from common experience. The person is invented; the pattern is not.

Understanding divorce and separation

Divorce is not an illness. It is one of the hardest ordinary events in a life: the loss of a partner and a shared future, often a move, money worries, and in Bangladesh, where a marriage joins two families, the loss of in-laws and the weight of other people’s questions. Most people adjust over months, with good days returning. For some, the distress stays or deepens into an adjustment disorder, a depressive episode, an anxiety disorder, or a reliance on alcohol or sleeping tablets to get through the nights. These are recognised conditions, and they respond to treatment.

How common it is

In a meta-analysis of 32 prospective studies from 11 countries, involving more than 6.5 million people, separated and divorced adults had a higher risk of early death than married adults; the risk was greater in men and in younger adults. A 2025 review of 75 studies from 30 countries found that separated and divorced men had higher odds of suicidal thoughts than married men, and that separated men had nearly twice the odds of suicide of divorced men. These studies show an association; they do not show that divorce itself is the cause, and they come from outside Bangladesh.

Signs worth noticing

• Sleep that has not settled months after the separation
• Low mood, tearfulness or numbness most days
• Avoiding family events, friends or work because of the questions
• Drinking more, or relying on sleeping tablets
• Feeling that life has no future, or thoughts of not wanting to live

How care helps

A psychiatrist first separates ordinary grief from a condition that needs treatment, and checks sleep, alcohol, physical health and safety. Talking therapy is the core of care: cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for depression and anxiety, and interpersonal therapy, which works directly on loss and a change of role. Sessions can also help with practical things, such as what to say to relatives and how to plan for children. Where a depressive illness is present, treatment follows the usual guidelines, which may include an antidepressant, discussed openly.

What getting better can look like

Kakoli’s first good sign might be a reply ready for Mejo Khala that ends the conversation kindly, a Friday morning walk around Dhanmondi Lake with Rumpa, and a night when she sleeps through and wakes feeling that the story is hers again.

Common questions about divorce and separation

Is it normal to feel depressed after a divorce?

Sadness, anger, relief and grief are all common after a divorce, even when it was the right decision. For most people these feelings ease over months. If low mood, poor sleep or loss of interest last most days for more than two weeks, or keep you from working or caring for yourself, it is worth seeing a doctor, because depression can be treated.

How long does it take to recover from a divorce?

There is no fixed timetable. Many people feel steadier with time, especially with support from family and friends. Distress that is not easing, or that is getting worse, is a reason to ask for help rather than to wait.

When to see a psychiatrist

If the end of a marriage has left you unable to sleep, work or face people for weeks, a consultation can help. If you have thoughts of ending your life, please seek help now, or call 999.

Care here is personal: built around your history, your health and what you want to change, and reviewed with you as it goes.

Sources

• Sbarra et al., Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2011 (PMID 26168197)
• Wilson et al., Psychological Bulletin, 2025 (PMID 40674014)