Helping someone who won’t seek help

Shirin watches her husband come home from the factory later every week, sleep on the sofa, drink more, and snap at the children. When she mentions a doctor, he says he is not mad and leaves the room. She does not know whether to push, wait, or call his brother.

An illustration drawn from common experience. The people are invented; the pattern is not.

What may help

• Choose a calm moment. Not during an argument, and not in front of others.
• Talk about what you have noticed, not about labels. “You’ve seemed exhausted and not yourself since Eid” works better than “You’re depressed”.
• Listen more than you advise. Feeling heard often comes before accepting help.
• Offer something specific. “I’ll come with you” or “I can book it” makes the first step smaller.
• Expect more than one conversation. A “no” today is often a “maybe” next month.

When it cannot wait

If someone talks about suicide, is at risk of harming themselves or others, is not eating or drinking, or has lost touch with reality, do not wait for agreement: call 999 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department.

Looking after yourself

Supporting someone who refuses help is exhausting. Families can come for a consultation on their own, to understand what is happening and how to help, and to look after their own health.

Common questions about helping someone who won’t seek help

How do I persuade someone to see a psychiatrist when they refuse?

Choose a calm moment, talk about what you have noticed rather than labels, and listen more than you advise. Offering something specific, such as booking the appointment or going with them, makes the first step smaller. A “no” today is often a “maybe” later, so expect more than one conversation.

Can I see a psychiatrist on behalf of a family member?

Yes, families can come for a consultation on their own. A doctor cannot diagnose someone they have not met, but can help you understand what may be happening, how to support them, and how to look after yourself. If the person talks about suicide or has lost touch with reality, call 999.

When to see a psychiatrist

If you are worried about someone you love, you can talk to a doctor first, on your own, before they are ready.

Care here is personal: built around your history, your health and what you want to change, and reviewed with you as it goes.